Modification misery

Lets start of with this. Modification on cars is not all bad. Take the famous hot rod designer Chip Foose. He adds tons of detailing and his creations capture the very best lines and curves on an otherwise rust bucket. But if you are here chances are you know his work, or seen at least one of his designs on TV.

Chip Foose Camaro

Not all of us are fortunate enough to have his experience or skills, or know someone who can do what he does for a fraction of he price.

So what do we do? We've all done it, even you gramps, we go to our local flea market, scrap yards, online shops, local hardware store and the deep inner pits of our fuel fumed imagination.

We pick up a drill, Googled how it works and started measuring, believing the image stuck in our heads will be realised by your hands.




And then disaster. Its a travesty. The rush is now on to fix the mess, fill up the holes, save up to get your baby repainted before your date on Friday. Only you will ever know the beauty your car never will be.

The disaster happened

Personally I am not a big fan of aftermarket spoilers, especially if its done on ugly cars. Its like dressing up the "cat woman" Jocelyn Wildenstein and taking her out for a date at McDonald's. If it was born ugly, it will never be good looking. The opposite is true as well. There are a few good looking old timers still running like clockwork, and it has some parts out there that can make the already good looking machine just a little more refined. The 1998 Honda Civic comes to mind. But as with everything, the tendency to over do things are really very, very common.

Tuned 1998 Honda Civic Hatch

Why does the cars have to have ironing boards as boot spoilers, and bumbers molded from a puffer fish? Why is coffee tins used as exhausts when no real work is done on the engine? (a branch system, racing air filter and fake scoop does not count as engine modifications!)

All you are doing is making a fool of yourself. You are ruining a car, taking a scalpel to its face and playing doctor. All the exhaust does it take away back pressure and add 0.0001kw, and a huge noise, drawing more unwanted attention to you.

To be honest. I did this too, ONCE. It was my first car, a 1990 Mazda 323. I called her Lilly. I have no pictures of mine after the disappointment. it was burnt, along with the camera I used. It was white, and the fondest memory I have is having to fumigate it once I bought it. So, I decided to paint it. Black with a purple flake, lower it just a little but and tint the windows.

I've never before painted a car, and it showed. It had runs all over, and I ran out of paint. Having a second batch mixed, the car become 50 shades of black. Post flat marks never came out, body putty began to crack, and in general it just looked horrendous. I could feel the laughter, I could feel the sadness little Lilly had. I fixed it, though, eventually. But everybody knew my shame. Never again. Every one knew that that mazda was once a freak of the car world. Thankfully though I never had money to go through with the rest of the modifications.

So this is then a plea to all you out there who believes a car is never finished until you say it is. If you absolutely have to stand out, save up, get it done properly, by someone who knows what they are doing, or, the alternative, keep it clean, protect it, and when your car reaches 20 odd years and it shines like a star, has no dents or battle scars, it genuinely will draw attention, and you won't be ashamed of walking to your car in a public space.

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